C/P story part 4

[mandragora]

And more...



Chapter Four


Captain's Log Stardate: 50074.3


We have found evidence of recent wormhole activity in this region of space. Upon investigation, the wormhole appears at semi-regular intervals that are unfortunately not easy to predict. We do not yet know to where the wormhole leads. We have searched for life in this sector in the hope that someone will be able to provide us with more information on the wormhole, but have only come across a society that is the technological equivalent of the Bronze-age on Earth. However, Mr Rollins has also reported finding possible evidence of Alpha Quadrant activity demonstrated by the recent use of a replicator. I have ordered Lieutenant Torres and Ensign Vorik to attempt to ascertain the wormhole's destination and if we can predict where it is next likely to appear if it does offer a way home. I have also ordered Lieutenants Paris and Kim to the surface of the planet to investigate the use of a replicator on the planet.


~~~~~


As he finished the log entry, Chakotay couldn't help feeling a sense of relief that Paris would be off the ship, away from him, even if only for a little while. The week since he and Paris had had their...confrontation had been worse than he'd imagined it would be, when he'd thought about the consequences immediately after their encounter. That night had been unbelievable, in more ways than one.


He was totally ashamed that he'd so lost control as to actually fight with Paris, no matter how annoying the man undoubtedly was. A captain simply did *not* brawl with his first officer. He'd thought that he was better than this, that the lessons taught by his people had been learnt well. And maybe they had been, as he didn't seem to usually have any trouble with self-control. Except when it came to Paris.


Although, in some ways he was thankful that it had been Paris he'd been fighting with, because he figured that of all people he was probably the one who'd put the least significance to his actions. After all, it was apparent Paris didn't have much respect for protocol at the best of times. Plus, Paris wasn't the sort to bear a grudge and they'd both been out of line that night.


No, his main problem wasn't with the fight - although he still couldn't get over his disbelief that he'd been losing. It was what had happened afterwards. It had been so damn *good*. One of the best sexual encounters he'd ever experienced. In that short time he'd been as turned on as he could recollect. Paris had been...


He attempted to quickly squelch the thought as he felt the incipient stirrings of an erection. He was fully conscious that sex was the last thing he should be thinking about while on duty, let alone on the bridge, but it was difficult to stop his thoughts from wandering onto the topic of his first officer. He'd always known that Paris was an attractive man, even beautiful and the first time he'd seen him, before he'd realised who he was, had even entertained thoughts of bedding him. Then, once Paris was recruited to the Maquis, he'd realised just how annoying and disrespectful the man was and had decided against it. Besides, he couldn't like or respect the man he found back then, a coward, a mercenary, an alcoholic. And Chakotay only got involved with people he at least liked. But the lust had refused to die completely, no matter how many times he'd tried to squelch it. And now... He closed his eyes, as he recalled the torment he'd experienced this last week, sitting next to him, being able to smell him, see him. Because all the time he was remembering how he'd looked when he'd come, in Chakotay's hand and the feel of his mouth when he'd... Enough!


It was not going to happen again! After all, it had only happened in the first place as a result of the after effects of the fight. No other reason. And anyway, obviously Paris wasn't affected by their encounter, his demeanour since then had been cool, even calm. He'd taken the reprimand he'd received the next morning regarding the contretemps with Jackson without even a change of expression, although maybe he'd looked a little embarrassed? As well he might.


Although, actually, the effect of Paris' run in with Jackson seemed to be positive. Since becoming captain, he'd relied increasingly on Torres, who was still considered as one of their own by the Maquis, but was also respected by the Starfleet crewmembers, to keep him in touch with the mood of the crew. Of course, it was usually the first officer's job to report on the crew to the captain, but in the circumstances he'd come to depend on B'Elanna's intuition instead. Her comments were to the effect that the crew had no problems with Paris' actions, that he'd been provoked by Jackson for quite some time before he'd acted, and that in any event Jackson had been out of line.


But, from a personal point of view, his most pressing problem was how he was ever going to forget just how good sex with Paris had been? Even if it *was* only the result of the adrenaline from the fight.


~~~~


That evening, Tom made his way to Kim's quarters. He figured that Harry would need some cheering up right about now. To know that the wormhole led back to the Alpha Quadrant, that they'd come *this* close to going back home, that they would have, if it hadn't been for those greedy Ferengi who he and Harry had found out were responsible for the Alpha Quadrant signature they'd discovered. At the very least Harry would surely be a little depressed right now. For himself, in some ways he really didn't care if Voyager never made it back home. After all, what had he to get back to? At best, he'd be cut loose, would probably end up drinking himself into an early grave, as he'd been well on the way to doing before he'd joined the Maquis. At worse, back to prison. Although, getting away from Chakotay was an attractive proposition. It was driving him mad, knowing what it was like to taste the man, feel his smooth brown skin, knowing that it would never happen again. Also, he surely wouldn't miss his glowering looks, his obvious disapproval, his--


He cut off that train of thought as he entered Harry's quarters, not bothering to ring for admittance. He noted that Harry wasn't in the dimly lit living area and went to the bedroom, finding Harry lying, still dressed in his uniform, on the bed. He opened his eyes as Tom approached him.


"What do you want Paris?"


Tom sighed inwardly. This might be harder than he'd thought. "A game of pool?"


"What?"


"I came to see how you were doing, figured you'd be brooding. Looks like I was right."


Kim sat up abruptly, swinging his feet to the floor.


"Want to talk about it?" Tom offered.


"What's there to say? We came so close, but now..."


"I know. I'm sorry, Harry."


Harry snorted. "What're you sorry for? I know you. It's not like you really want to get back anyway. That's true, isn't it?"


Tom was silent for a moment. "Maybe. But I know how much you do. And I'm sorry for that. Really."


Harry's hard expression softened. "Yes, I know."


Tom hesitated. "Look, I know that all you want to do right now is brood--" He held up a hand to halt Harry from speaking as Kim opened his mouth to protest. "You do, Harry, don't try to deny it." Kim shrugged, acknowledging the truth of his words. "But I don't think lying here in your quarters is going to do you any good. C'mon Harry, let's go for a game of pool, huh." He gave Kim his best persuasive smile, the one he knew Harry found it hard to resist, until the younger man gave in.


"Okay," he sighed. "Let's go."


Tom slung a companionable arm around Harry's shoulder, as he'd often done before Akritiria, but less frequently since. He knew that most of the crew were upset with what had happened today, nearly making it to the wormhole, only to find it closing before their eyes, after the Ferengi used a graviton pulse to prevent them being beamed aboard Voyager from their own ship, which was also making for the wormhole, ahead of Voyager. But, from his point of view, today hadn't been so bad. He and Harry had found their old camaraderie on that planet. They'd worked well together, and for once, there'd been no lingering memories of Akritiria to taint their association. It looked like, at last, they'd be able to put the experience behind them. Mostly anyway.


On entering Sandrine's Tom was surprised to find that it was crowded. Of course, he'd been here much less often since his promotion, finding that his free time was severely lessened, but, even so, he'd rarely seen this place this full. He suspected that many of the crew had decided to seek comfort in company. He strolled over to the pool table to reserve a game after M'min and Patel and then joined Neelix and Kes at a booth by the side of the room. The mood was subdued, as he'd expected.


He leaned over to Neelix. "I think we need to do something to cheer up the crew."


"Good idea Lieutenant," Neelix said with his customary enthusiasm. "I've been thinking of designing a new holodeck programme for the crew, maybe something a little more sunny than Sandrine's. Not that Sandrine's isn't wonderful," he clarified, hastily. "But it's more of an evening programme, so I thought that maybe a resort, somewhere that the crew could soak up some sun, play a few watersports, that kind of thing."


"I think it sounds like a great idea, Neelix."


"You do? Good, because I know your expertise in holoprogramming, so I wondered if, well, maybe..."


"I'd be glad to help."


The little Talaxian beamed at Tom. "Wonderful. I'll get right on it." At that he stood up, asking Kes," Coming sweetie?"


She smiled at the two lieutenants and left with Neelix. Tom and Harry exchanged amused glances, Tom remembering how Neelix had looked as the Grand Nagus. Actually, he'd made a pretty good Ferengi. Harry went to the bar to get them a couple of synthales. Tom looked around the room, then stiffened as shit! Chakotay entered the bar.


He and the captain had spent as little time in each other's company as they could since the... incident a week ago. They hadn't, for example, been in the messhall together, or in the holodeck, confining their entire interaction to strictly official business. Oh well, the room was crowded, so it wasn't as if they had to speak to one another after all. He watched, hypnotised by the sway of Chakotay's ass, as he went to the bar, where he spoke to Harry, but saw with dismay that as Harry turned to where he was sitting, Chakotay followed. From the look on his face when he saw where Harry was headed, he obviously hadn't expected to see his first officer there. Harry sat down opposite Tom, leaving Chakotay no choice but to slide into the seat next to Paris.


The seat was sufficiently small that the men's thighs were almost touching. Tom stifled a groan at the feel of the body heat emanating from Chakotay, as well as his scent. Okay, he told himself firmly. Just relax. He deliberately sprawled in his seat, allowing his leg to touch the other man's, encroaching on his territory, grinning as Chakotay shifted uncomfortably. The captain might not have been as affected by their encounter as he was, but he definitely wasn't feeling too comfortable at the moment.


"How're you doing Captain?" he asked. "Near miss today, huh."


He didn't miss the tightening of the man's jaw. He was betting that Chakotay was cursing himself, for being suckered by the Ferengi like that. He knew he would have been, in Chakotay's place. Although, come to think of it, this might have been one occasion when he actually might have been better placed to deal with the situation than the captain. He doubted somehow that he'd have fallen for the Ferengi's schtick like Chakotay had. Yeah, that was something to be proud of, that he was better able to deal with the lowlifes of the galaxy than a man of principle like Chakotay.


"I'm fine," Chakotay said, shortly.


"So," he drawled, "fancy a session later?"


Chakotay choked. "What?!"


Tom concealed a smirk. "Of pool, Captain. Would you like a game of pool?"


"Oh. Yes. That'll be fine."


Harry looked from one man to the other, puzzled at the nuances he was detecting, but didn't understand. He felt sympathy for the captain, for his obvious dismay when he'd called on the bridge today for options, following the closing of the wormhole and been told there were none. He'd asked Chakotay to join them in a gesture of solidarity, had figured that some company would be good for him. But the way he and Tom were acting around one another was strange. Although come to think of it, the pair of them had been acting in an odd manner around each other for about a week now. They'd been unusually formal in their interaction and Tom hadn't said anything to deliberately annoy Chakotay. That, in itself, was unusual.


Just then Patel came up to let them know the pool table was free.


Tom grinned at Kim. "You want to make this one interesting Harry?" He laughed at his friend's firm, "No!", then turned to Chakotay and said, "Later then, Captain."


Chakotay simply nodded in response.


However, it was not until much later that Tom got the chance to play pool with his captain. With so many of the crew present, he faced quite a few challenges for games, all of which he won. With Kathryn Janeway gone, he was the best pool player on Voyager and tonight he was on a roll. Harry had long since left, and he was just finishing beating Dalby, when he saw Chakotay making his way to the door.


"You're not leaving before I've had the chance to beat you are you Captain," he called.


Chakotay frowned at him. "It's late, Paris."


"Yeah, but beating you won't take long."


This was a challenge Chakotay probably should, but couldn't, ignore. "All right. You're on."


The game started slowly. Tom was a little distracted by watching Chakotay's movements as he bent over the table, and muffed a couple of shots. He sipped his synthale, watching critically as Chakotay attempted to make a difficult shot. Glancing round, he realised they were the only non-holograms left in the bar. Hmm, in that case, maybe he could have a little fun. Chakotay missed the shot. Okay, it was his turn.


He bent slowly over the table, every moment deliberate. He knew that the pose showed off his firm backside and long legs to their advantage. If there was one thing he wasn't naive about, it was his own good looks. God knows, they'd got him into enough trouble in the past. Chakotay had obviously found him attractive a few days ago, well, unless it was just the effects of the fight. Whatever, he'd show off a little now. It probably would have no effect at all, but hell, if he could torment Chakotay a little, so much the better. The man had tormented him enough recently, after all. He stretched out, reaching to make the shot, torso pressed to the baize. He shot; the ball went into the pocket. He moved close to where Chakotay was standing to take the next shot. It wasn't the easiest move he could make, but it was the closest to Chakotay. The captain shifted away from him, Tom followed him round, grinning wickedly. He bent down to make the shot, then glanced round, to find Chakotay's glance riveted to his ass. At this, he grinned in triumph. Score one for Paris. He made the shot, but missed the next and grimaced in annoyance.


Wordlessly, he gestured to Chakotay that it was his move. The captain played for safety. Tom walked slowly round the table, every movement provocative. This type of behaviour was something he'd had a lot of practice at; he knew how to make it look good. After all, what could Chakotay do? Put him on report for moving? He bent over the table again, ensuring, once again, he shot from close to where Chakotay stood, hoping he was enjoying the view. He made the shot, and another. Yes! Now the black to take the game. Okay, better make this one look good. He gracefully raised his head, looked at Chakotay through partly lowered lids, smiled his best come hither smile, turned his head to make the shot and.... found himself pinned to the pool table by a heavy, well-muscled body.


"Is this what you want?" Chakotay whispered fiercely. Tom shivered at the hot breath that grazed his ear.


"I don't know what you're--"


"Don't play naive with me! You've been asking for this all along."


"You're imagining--"


"I'm not stupid Paris. I recognise a come on when I see one."


"Let go of me!"


"I think we've been here before." As Chakotay spoke, he blew deliberately into Tom's ear and then licked at his neck. Tom wriggled, but he was well and truly trapped. "If you really want me to let you go, then tell me and I will. If not..." He let his voice trail off.


"If not what?"


"I'm going to fuck you," Chakotay said bluntly. "This is what you've been angling for, isn't it. *Isn't* it?" He bit at Tom's neck as he spoke. Tom gulped. Oh God. When he'd started this, he hadn't really thought much beyond annoying Chakotay. But now, he found himself definitely aroused. He wanted this, wanted Chakotay, always had. Then he had a sudden thought of how this would probably worsen the already rocky relationship he had with the captain and opened his mouth to tell him no.


"Yes!"


At this, Chakotay pulled away a little and turned him round, leaving him sitting on the pool table, Chakotay standing between his legs. He pulled Tom's head round to his and kissed him hungrily. Tom felt, once more, the passionate intensity of those kisses. God, could this man ever kiss! Chakotay pulled him to his feet, not letting go of his hold on him for one instant. He felt his mouth being released, as Chakotay gasped out:


"Computer, initiate programme Chakotay three."


Sandrine's shimmered out of existence around them, as Tom found himself standing in a semi-lit bedroom. The room was simple, coloured in shades of cream and beige and there was no furniture save for an enormous bed, covered in drapes of filmy gauze. Chakotay pulled him over to the bed, then pushed him on his back into its welcoming soft covers. The older man bent over him, grabbed his uniform and tore. First the jacket then the turtleneck, leaving a fabric burn on his neck. Tom was stunned at the ferocity Chakotay was showing, even after what had happened the other night. He bit his lip looking up at the other man, who was busy removing his uniform.


"Get undressed," Chakotay ordered. For a moment Tom didn't move, wondering whether he should go through with it, but his cock, clamouring at him, overrode any objections he might have. He pulled off the rest of his clothes, then sat down naked on the edge of the bed, watching in admiration as Chakotay revealed his naked body to him. Wow. He was really built. His gaze travelled up from the surprisingly small, well shaped feet, up the powerful legs, lingering at the groin, where Chakotay sported a rampant, and large, erection. He tore his eyes away to follow a thin line of hair towards the belly button, up the beautiful, smooth torso, to the strong neck and handsome face. He lingered on the tattoo, *that* was sexy as hell, finally meeting the dark eyes. As he did so, Chakotay spoke.


"Lie down" His voice was low, but unmistakably commanding. Tom had had some vague idea of contesting Chakotay for supremacy, but shivered as he spoke. He decided that he really didn't want to argue, Chakotay wanted to fuck him, well, fine, because just now, he was in the mood to get fucked. Silently, he obeyed, letting Chakotay look his fill, wondering what he was thinking as his eyes travelled over the naked body lying on the bed.


Then, Chakotay moved. Before Tom quite realised what was happening, a warm, smooth skinned, solid form enveloped him, as Chakotay took his head in his hands and kissed him. At that Tom groaned, low in the back of his throat. They kissed feverishly, wet, open mouthed kisses. Tom felt as if he was drowning, lost in a sea of kisses. God, what this man did to him. He left Chakotay's mouth to press tiny kisses down his jaw, reaching his ear, where he blew into it, then traced the swirl of the lobe with his tongue, seizing it in his teeth, tugging at it lightly. His hands caressed Chakotay's broad smooth back, tracing the muscles down, until his hands came to rest on his firm ass, kneading the defined globes. His fingertips felt as if they were raw, the feel of that smooth skin under his hands intoxicating him. Chakotay in his turn licked at Tom's neck, then down his chest, the contrast of Chakotay's hot, wet mouth, with the sudden cold as that mouth moved onwards arousing Tom still further. The older man's mouth seized a nipple, suckling gently, then biting, causing Tom to cry out at the sudden pain, which sent an erotic jolt through his body, culminating in his groin. The cry turned into a moan as Chakotay licked at the bite, salving it with his tongue. Chakotay swirled his tongue on the other nipple, then blew on it, the contrast in sensation causing Tom to shiver uncontrollably. His mouth then kissed, licked and nibbled all the way down Tom's body. Tom was breathing hard now, in harsh, panting gasps, wanting more, wanting Chakotay badly. He touched his tongue to the head of Tom's penis. At the tiny sensation, Tom screamed, his hips lifting involuntarily. Oh please.... He'd never wanted this more, he ached, he needed...


"More."


"I'm going to fuck you."


"Yes." Oh, he wanted this, wanted to be taken, filled, the burning ache inside assuaged. "Now! I want you now."


Chakotay leaned down and kissed him, even as one hand fumbled and found what it was looking for by the side of the bed. Tom shuddered as he felt a slick finger enter him, stretching him, exploring him. He moaned into Chakotay's mouth as the finger was joined with another, his body arching up involuntarily as Chakotay found that most sensitive point inside him and rubbed, sending ripples of sensation coursing through his body. Yet another finger and Chakotay's hand was moving steadily inside him, in and out, the motion presaging what was to come. Tom was whimpering now, wholly unable to control his arousal, his whole body an aching needful mass of want. He wasn't aware that he was moaning, "Please, please," over and over again.


He groaned in protest as the fingers left his body, twisting on the covers, leaving him empty, longing. Then, he felt his ass being lifted and with one swift thrust, Chakotay took possession of him. Tom cried out, his body burning, as the pain gave way to an agony of pleasure.


"Look at me."


Eyes of dilated blue opened, looked up into darkened brown. There was near silence as all movement ceased, the only sound that of breathing. Then, Chakotay moved, backwards, then forwards, slamming into the body beneath him. Aah God. Tom wrapped his legs tightly round Chakotay's waist and his arms clutched at his torso, fingers digging into smooth skin, this felt indescribably right, so good, almost perfect. He rose to meet each thrust, lost in a sea of sensation, Chakotay seizing his lips with his own, tongue taking possession of his mouth, as Chakotay had taken possession of his body. He was awash in wave after wave of pure feeling, heat and light coursing through his body, wanting this never to end. He cried out as he felt the tension build with each powerful thrust, then he was exploding into a mass of white fire, the universe fading out around him. As he floated back into existence, Chakotay still moving within him, possessing him, taking him, sensation still coursing through him with each thrust. Then, Chakotay was crying out, head thrown back, looking, to Tom, unbelievably beautiful, the strong lines of his neck standing out in sharp relief, Tom experiencing spasm after spasm as Chakotay reached his orgasm deep within him.


Chakotay collapsed forwards, for a long moment his warm, sweat slicked, powerful body was Tom's entire universe. Then he moved them both to their sides, slipping out of Tom, reluctantly seceding total possession, but wrapping his arms round the younger man. Then, again, there was quiet for a long time, broken only by the sound of harsh breathing, as each man tried to come to terms with what had just happened.


Tom felt unreal. On one level he and Chakotay had had sex, but on another... This was unquestionably the best first time with someone that he'd ever experienced. And he'd had so many sexual partners that he'd literally lost count, many of them having been lost in a sea of alcohol, during those wasted years after Caldik Prime.


But what was Chakotay thinking. He turned his head, cursing the older man's ability to present an outwardly impassive appearance. Chakotay's face, although flushed in the aftermath of sex, was calm, almost serene, giving no clue as to his feelings. As his gaze met that of Tom he stirred, releasing Tom from his embrace, leaving the younger man feeling bereft.


"Nice to know that your reputation hasn't been exaggerated."


Tom felt like he'd been kicked in the teeth, one minute the guy was taking him like there was no tomorrow and the next... Obviously it had been too much to hope for, that Chakotay would be able to resist the temptation to remind him of what a slut he was known as. He drew in a breath, tried for his most carefree tone. "We aim to please."


"And succeeded I'd say. So, tell me Paris, what was it all about this time, huh?"


Tom felt very tired. And used. "Why does it have to be about anything? I thought it was simple, I wanted you, you wanted me. Or did I get that wrong?" The sarcasm in his tone could have melted steel.


"I think that's pretty plain," was the dry response.


"So, we both had a good time. Can't we just leave it at that?" Oh God, he had to get out of here, fast, before he lost it.


"Is that what you want?"


Tom looked at him warily. "What do you mean?"


The older man frowned a little. His expression was hard to read. "Do you want to leave it at this?"


Tom sighed. "Look Chakotay, it's late and I'm tired. I'm in no mood for guessing games. What're you trying to say."


"That as you said, we had a good time. I'd like to do it again some time."


Tom felt the stirrings of hope. "You would?"


"Yeah. So long as we set some ground rules."


"What's that supposed to mean?"


"That we're the captain and first officer. That on one level this is probably a really bad idea, but on the other..." He hesitated.


"On the other?" Tom prompted.


"Well, I think it could be beneficial, therapeutic, you might say."


"What!" Tom began to laugh; it was a harsh, derisive, ugly sound. "You're such a fucking hypocrite, you know that?!" He leapt up from the bed and started pulling on his underwear.


"You--"


Tom carried on over Chakotay's attempted interjection. "Why can't you just admit that you liked it, that we had sex, that it was good and you want more, rather than trying to make out it's some form of fucking *therapy*!"


Chakotay's expression was tightly controlled. "Fine, I'll admit it. I want more. I just don't want either of us to get the wrong impression. We both know this is just sex!"


Tom stopped his angry search for his other boot and stood still for a moment, his back to Chakotay, who was now kneeling on the bed. "Yes, of course," he said in an almost steady tone. "What else could it be?"


"I mean, after Kathryn...Her death... I'm not ready--"


It's okay, Chakotay, I get it. The sex is good, so let's have sex. Yes?"


"I suppose so," Chakotay mumbled, clearly uncomfortable with Tom's bald statement. There was silence for a long moment, while Tom continued to collect his clothes. Eventually, Chakotay ventured: "So, we're agreed then?"


Tom shrugged, his back still to the captain. "I guess." Again there was silence, but this time Tom was the one to break. "So, how d'you want to handle this. I mean do you want to set up some sort of signal. I know, how about you send me a note, letting me know when you want me. Course, that should work both ways, I mean, you might be the captain, but I don't see why you should have it all your own way after--"


"Paris..."


"--all, it takes two to--"


Loudly, "Paris!"


"What?"


"As you said, it's late. How about if we talk tomorrow."


"Right. Tomorrow."


At that, Tom, who was now fully dressed, or as much as he could be, having wrapped his torn uniform top around him and carrying his turtle neck, left the holodeck, walking fast, almost running. Luckily, as he moved swiftly through Voyager's corridors, he met no one on the way back to his quarters, it now being well into gamma shift.


With a vast feeling of relief he reached his quarters and dived inside, calling for the lights to be on low. He dropped the ruined turtleneck to the floor and slumped on the couch. He really ought to get into the shower, would do in a minute, just as soon as... He swiped impatiently at his eyes. He was being pathetic. After all, what was his problem? He'd just had some of the greatest sex of his life, was even going to experience it again. What did it matter that the guy who he'd just had that amazing experience with had made it clear that he didn't want any sort of relationship with him except on a purely sexual level and that he wanted him at all only because he couldn't have Kathryn Janeway. Oh, he hadn't actually *said* that, but he knew there was no way in hell that Chakotay would have wanted him if Captain Janeway had still been around. He'd always figured that Chakotay had a thing for her, even if he'd probably never had her, and what he'd said tonight had confirmed that. But, as Chakotay couldn't have her, he'd turned to him in her absence. For all that he could offer, which wasn't much. Just a cute body and some fairly extensive sexual experience.


Not that you could blame the guy. Let's face it, a Tom Paris was no substitute for a Kathryn Janeway. And after all, what else could he expect? From Chakotay or anyone else? And at least Chakotay had been honest, hadn't made what they had to be anything more than it was, you had to give him credit for that. And, he himself was also really only going into this because of the great sex, no other reason. It had been way too long since he'd had a sexual experience that even came close to what he'd had with Chakotay and out here, his options weren't exactly extensive. You took what you could get in the Delta Quadrant, right?


"Right," he said aloud. Time for a shower.


~~~~


On the holodeck, Chakotay was slowly getting dressed. He had the feeling that he'd made a mess of what he'd wanted to say to Tom, which hadn't been his intention. But what had happened tonight had overwhelmed him. The first encounter with Paris, wonderful though that had been, was nothing compared to the reality of possessing him. He'd heard the rumours of course, the whispers that Paris was a superb lover. He'd wondered if they were true. Well, now he knew. The man was more than good... He lay back on the rumpled sheets with a groan, pondering the irony that he'd brought Paris to a programme he'd created in the hope he would one-day share it with Kathryn.


He had to protect himself, couldn't let this experience affect him too much. After all, it would only be a matter of time before Paris grew bored and moved on to someone else; from what he'd observed the man was incapable of anything even resembling commitment. But, after experiencing sex with Tom Paris twice now, he knew that the man excited him like no other lover he'd ever known. However, he also knew that this level of whatever it was, lust, he supposed, couldn't possibly last for long. So, let it take its course, burn itself out, that would be better than the longing he'd felt for this past hellish week. Just so long as he and Paris understood that was the case. He certainly didn't want the man thinking of him as some sort of conquest, another notch on the bed post for Paris. No, this was a mutual exchange of pleasure. And Paris certainly couldn't claim he hadn't been asking for it.


The memory of Paris' movements round that pool table, it was enough to get him hot again, just thinking about it. Paris had done his utmost to provoke him tonight and had succeeded. Chakotay grinned as he remembered Paris' surprised reaction to being pinned to the pool table. It had felt good to let him know he wasn't in control of their encounters, that Chakotay wouldn't let him get away with using him, like he had so many others. Not that he planned to use Paris of course. No, this was mutual and he planned to enjoy himself, for as long as it lasted. Which probably wouldn't be long.


He hadn't yet quite come to terms with the knowledge that he'd just fucked his first officer and was planning to do it again, on a regular basis at that. But he was fairly confident that it wouldn't really affect their working relationship, that both he and Paris would be able to maintain a clear delineation between their two separate roles. After all, Paris had a lot of experience in fucking people he worked with; Chakotay couldn't keep track of all the people Paris had slept with on Voyager, but knew there were a lot of them. And after each relationship was over, Chakotay hadn't noticed any appreciable resentment on the part of any of Paris' ex-lovers, or any change towards them by Paris.


Maybe what he was proposing to do hadn't in the past been his style, but... Ever since Kathryn had died, he'd been unable to feel much of everything, save a sense of loss that he'd never see her again. His grief was less sharp now, months after her death, but the dull ache he felt every time he thought of her, at the realisation that he'd never see her again, still persisted. Looking back, the only times when anything else had got through the forcefield he felt surrounded by, through which he was unable to break, in order to really feel anything again, had been when he'd been irritated with Paris. That was the one true emotion he'd felt, even sharper in intensity compared to the usual grey miasma. And the two times he'd been with Paris now, well, he'd felt so *alive*, every sense alert to the atmosphere surrounding him. It was a heady sensation. And he wanted - needed - to feel it again. What matter that the only person who he seemed able to experience it with was Paris?


And hell, he liked sex as much as the next guy and four years of virtual abstinence, a couple of times with Seska excepted, had taken their toll. Also, Kathryn's death had brought home to him, once more, how fragile their existence was. As well as crushing his hopes of, eventually, having the type of relationship he really wanted with her. Well, that was now never going to happen and, although nothing, and no one, could ever replace her, for once, he wasn't going to worry about relationship issues; he was just going to enjoy himself. Was that so much to ask? After all, this thing he had with Paris, wasn't anything like the type of relationship he'd had with Kathryn. If he started a romance with someone else, he knew that he'd feel as if he were in some way betraying her. But whatever he and Paris had, a romance was the last thing it could be described as. After all, it was just sex.


*****


The next morning, it was, to all external appearances, business as usual. Save that as the Captain and First Officer sat side by side, could it be that they each appeared even more tense than usual? Hamilton, for one, wondered about that. Although she had observed that something was different between Chakotay and Tom over the past few days. Both she and Jon Rollins had noticed it, although they weren't sure what it was, over and above the usual tension that still persisted between the two officers. From her position at the conn, she could overhear what the two command officers said and there was definitely something a little off about their interaction. She wasn't certain what it was though.


She impatiently pushed back a strand of ebony hair as it fell into her eyes, no matter how she arranged it, the front always came undone. Maybe she should just cut it all off? She strained her ears to hear what Chakotay said to Paris, but it seemed to be nothing more than something to do with a possible course correction. Stupid really to think that either of them would give much away on the bridge anyway. Hmm, a possible course correction. Maybe she'd better start working on it.


~~~~~


The senior staff meeting later in the day was routine, livened up only by Tom joking about Neelix' recent performance in the security drills. The little Talaxian had outdone himself, as Tom told a blushing Neelix. Tom exchanged a significant glance with Rollins, who grinned back at him; Paris had been right. However, when he dismissed the rest of the staff, Chakotay asked Tom to stay behind. Tom was unable to prevent himself from tensing up, then winced at the reminder of last night, his ass was nothing if not sore. Okay, here it comes. However, Chakotay wanted to discuss the upcoming crew evaluations. Tom forced himself to concentrate on ship's business and was proud of the fact that his attention didn't wander more than, oh, five or six times. God, this was difficult, trying not to remember what they'd done together last night. Or that Chakotay had suggested they talk about it today. Talk. What was the point? It was with relief that he realised Chakotay was winding down the conversation, any second now he could escape back to the relative haven of the bridge. Then, the topic of conversation changed. There was to be no avoidance after all.


"About last night," Chakotay began, then frowned, was Paris paying attention to him?


"Uh huh?"


"I was wondering maybe we could get together tonight? We're both off shift at the same time after all."


Tom shook his head. He summoned up just the right note of regret. "I can't. I promised B'Elanna I'd meet her for a work out session." Chakotay looked surprised, offended even. Fuck it, did the man think he had no life? That he was at his beck and call?


"Oh. Well, how about afterwards?"


He grinned at Chakotay. "Why Captain, should I be flattered? That you're so keen for my company, I mean."


Chakotay's eyes hardened. "Forget it."


Tom stretched casually, slowly, like a cat, showing off every lithe muscle. He suppressed a smile as he noted how Chakotay's eyes followed his every move. He might not really want *him*, just his body, but he had no doubt that he wanted to fuck him. Victory, of sorts. "Okay. If that's what you really want."


"What do you want, Paris?" Chakotay snapped.


He did his utmost to look surprised. "I thought we settled this. That it's what we both want. Or did I get it wrong? That it wasn't you who pinned me to the pool table last night, that you didn't fuck me, or--"


"Enough!"


Tom felt a sense of triumph as Chakotay yelled the last word. Yes! He'd done it again, got under his skin, penetrated that maddening calm the man exuded. "Just admit it! You want me. Badly."


There was silence. Tom shrugged and got to his feet, outwardly unconcerned. He told himself to think of this as a game, not as something that could possibly matter, because of course, it didn't. And he'd used to like games, really he had, until he'd started losing. He was almost to the door, before Chakotay spoke, every word was edged with reluctance.


"I want you." Tom stopped, his body tense, back to the captain. "Just like you want me, admit it."


He swung round to face Chakotay. His expression was carefully blank, but there was a betraying flush on the high cheekbones. His gaze raked the seated man. Then he smiled, sensuously. "I want you. But then who wouldn't? You're gorgeous, you know that." His smile broadened as a deep blush flooded Chakotay's dark complexion. He could practically feel the heat from here.


Then Chakotay's expression smoothed. He smiled in his turn, a careful, shark toothed smile. "I'm glad you think that Paris. A little mutual appreciation is a good thing." He rose from the chair and walked close to the younger man. "And seeing as we're in agreement, are we going to meet later tonight--" As he spoke, he stood face to face with Paris, invading his personal space. He lifted a finger to trace Tom's cheekbone, "--so I can fuck your brains out."


Tom jerked back as if he'd been struck. He swallowed. "What makes you think you're going to fuck me?" In spite of his best efforts, the light voice was thick. "Turnabout is fair play, Captain."


Chakotay smiled at him. He'd won this round and he knew that Tom knew it. He shrugged. "All right with me. So, my cabin? Tonight?"


"Fine with me."


"Okay then." Chakotay left for the bridge, leaving Tom standing looking miserably after him.



~~~~


It wasn't until approximately 22.50 that Tom rang for admittance at the captain's quarters. Chakotay's calm voice bade him enter. He looked curiously around. This was the first time he'd been here since Janeway's death. He had to admit that he liked the way Chakotay had decorated the place, it felt welcoming, warm, with Native American artefacts scattered around in pleasing patterns. It was even a little bit messy, something that surprised him a little and definitely a contrast to his own regulation neat quarters. He wandered over to examine a rug thrown over the back of a couch, determined not to show his nervousness.


"So, do you like what you see?" Chakotay asked. He was dressed casually, in a shirt and trousers and his feet were bare.


Tom smiled at him. "Yeah. Yeah, I do. It's kind of... homely."


Chakotay's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Homely?"


Tom moved his arm vaguely as he said hastily, "You know what I mean. Nice. Warm."


Chakotay was unable to stop himself from grinning at Tom's obvious discomfiture. "If I'd known you had powers of description like that, I'd have appointed you ship's poet," he teased.


Tom felt his spirits increase. Maybe this would actually be okay after all.


"Would you like something to drink?"


"Um, yeah, something cold. Fruit juice maybe."


"Fruit juice?" Chakotay's voice reflected his surprise.


Tom shrugged. "I like it."


"Sure. It just didn't seem like your style."


Tom looked at quizzically. "What do you think of as 'my style' then?"


"Oh, I don't know. Something alcoholic, I guess."


"I don't drink anymore. At least not anything stronger than synthale."


Chakotay, remembering Tom's prior drinking problem was abashed. "No, sorry. I hadn't thought."


Tom smiled at him. "Oh, it's okay. It's no big deal."


"Here you go," Chakotay said, handing him the drink, sipping at his own. He sat on the couch. "You want to sit down?"


Tom sat silently in a seat adjacent to the couch. He consciously relaxed his body, knowing Chakotay was looking at him closely. There was silence for a moment.


"Do you--"


"How about--"


Both men spoke simultaneously and then stopped. Again there was silence. Tom cursed; where was all his vaunted smoothness, he didn't usually have any problem conversing with casual sex partners, so why had that skill deserted him now, when he really needed it?


"You want to go to the bedroom?" Chakotay asked.


"Okay," Tom said with alacrity. At least there they could communicate in a language that needed no words.


Chakotay stood up, wordlessly gesturing Tom to precede him. They didn't speak further.


*****


End Chapter Four